I am in a room full of people when suddenly I want to be alone. I wish that I could fly away and go to my room to be alone. I want to go home right now. I mean, really right now. I want to live the dinner party. I have been looking forward to this dinner for weeks! It doesn't even matter that my stomach still hurts from all the jokes that were told tonight and I laughed so hard I even pee a little.
Such is the life of living with bipolar. One moment you feel like you are on top of the world, the next moment, you wish that you could die. many people living with bipolar will tell you that they have similar experiences, though in varying degrees.
I was first diagnosed with bipolar 1 in 2017. I was hospitalized for 3 weeks because I had a major breakdown which also led to me losing my job. Things were so bad that I knocked down a tree and a wall, twice. it was then that my GP suggested that I go to see a specialist. She had already given me antianxiety meds twice. She explained d to me that she was not qualified to do anything further and made an appointment for me with a psychologist.
I was booked in immediately and assigned both a psychiatrist and psychologist, I would see them both once every day for 21 days. In the duration of my stay at the wellness center, I met and made a lot of new friends. when I was finally discharged to go home, I felt like I had been away for ages. the very thing felt different. maybe it could have been done by the fact that I had deleted over three-quarters of the contacts on my phone. included among the deleted numbers were those of mom and dad. Why would I still need them? I was away for 3 weeks and they did not even notice!
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