The time is 2pm and I am sitting on a bed that is not mine, as I type this article. The owner of this bed is a t work. In fact she no longer lives here. This is her mothers house and she lives on her own now. I was introduced to this family and moved in because I had no job, no money and no where else to go. I was fired from my job over a year ago. The meager savings I had carried tided me over for 12 months. Now it is just me, a borrowed bed and a donated laptop. I pawned mine earlier this year when things started to get really tough.
I am actively looking for a job. Every day I wake up to send out my resume to different companies. You see, jobs are not easy to come by in South Africa. Even when they did, my mental illness made it a short affair. While I really am looking for a job, I dread the prospects of going to work in another open plan office like I did in my last job. That would mean that I have people in my hair 8 hours a day every day, even on Saturday if they are that kind of company. Don't get me wrong, whatever job comes, I will take it in order to get back on my feet. Well, I have been to four interview already, something must come up soon!
Now that I am not working, I really need money. I mean, the clothes no longer fit me at all which means that I need to go shopping for new clothes. The reason for that is that I have gained over 10 kg since leaving the hospital and started treatment to control the mood swings. Here is the sucker; the bipolar meds make me stay forever hungry. I am forever eating. This means that I now need money for even more food. I feel quite fortunate that I still have some food each day and I am grateful to everyone that has supported me in this difficult time, but still, I need the money.
Living with bipolar is often linked to solitude. I think that is correct. I enjoy my own company more than I enjoy the company of others. I have been like that since I was a child. This is ironic in that, now more than ever before, I need other people in order to survive. It is through the help of other people that I have a roof over my head , a new tracksuit and food. All this, however does not take away the fact that I am still shutting myself in the room, most of the time. It helps that in this house, every one seems to be on their laptops all the time. The living room is seldom used. There is also no rules which compels us to all sit together when we eat. I am very happy about that. I have been made to believe that I am not the only one like that. When I was admitted in the mental wellness center, there was a girl who needed to take the entire dorm which sleeps three for her self. Of course they charged her more, but there was nothing she or anyone could do about it; her need to be left alone.
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